Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
