fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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