masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
