she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
