Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
