I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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