I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize