Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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