I just pynch a tree in the face
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
