Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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