do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
