he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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