Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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