if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
