Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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