well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
