he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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