dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
