My friends, they love my intelligence
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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