I must be too annoying 4 u.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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