i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
