it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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