dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
