He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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