just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
