I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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