Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Panties = found
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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