his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize