Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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