worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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