if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
