youre lurking in front of me
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
