so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
