I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
