in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
