Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
