i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
