cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
