My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
