I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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