I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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