i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
