You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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