im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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