I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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