I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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