I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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