I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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