Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
