Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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