Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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