I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Randomize
