wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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