nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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