I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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