what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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