Betty ford says i'm here all night
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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