i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
