why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
