he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
