she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I didn't notice because vodka
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
