I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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