My pussy is not your playground.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
