Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
