Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
