If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
