so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
