Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
there's paper in my vomit.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
