I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
