I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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