Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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