I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
